You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there was a trapeze. enough said
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
