Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
