i just sent this text using only my big toe
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
as a side note pls kill me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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