I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
