May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
