I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
