I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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