sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
