we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
