farters have to be the big spoon...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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