he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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