I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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