I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
