Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
