Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
