It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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