Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We need to get me chipped asap
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
