he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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