Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
