it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
