i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
