They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
