i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
