I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
