I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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