Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dick very happy bro
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
