Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
