Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
