Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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