Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
