when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
