So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
