so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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