I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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