No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
