drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
