either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
