I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
