have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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