K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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