i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
