he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
