He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
