the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize