you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
