somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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