K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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