you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
