i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
