Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
