Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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