I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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