To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
