i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
