he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
