How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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