Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize