I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
