Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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