Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
did i just pee glitter
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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