Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
