are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You made out with two different species that night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
