I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
