Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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