I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
