I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
