Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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