i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
